At A Moments Notice...

I remember the first time someone told me a novel had been written by, for and about black gay men. The title resonated in my mind Invisible Life. It was perfect. For years my life had been invisible, to my family, my friends, and at times even to myself. I never spoke about my feelings, the urges, or the desires. I thought about them, yearned for them, but never-ever entertained the thought of sharing them with anyone outside of myself. But, someone else had. Wow…

The thought was earth shattering. I walked, no—ran to the bookstore in search of this rare treasure. I purchased it in the Village at a bookstore right off of Christopher Street that specialized in Gay Literature. [God I wish I could remember the name of that store, but it seems age is catching up to me.] Once procured, I ran home and tore into it. The words of Melvin Dixon, Gilberto Gerald and Phillip Robinson began filling my head. But it was one Essex Hemphill and his poem For My Own Protection that changed my life.

I want to start and organization
to save my life.
If whales, snails, dogs, cats
Chrysler and Nixon can be saved,
the lives of Black men are priceless
and can be saved.
I don’t want to wait for the Heritage Foundation
to release a study saying
Black people are almost extinct.
I don’t want to be the living dead
pacified with drugs, sex and rock-n-roll.
If a human chain can be formed
around nuclear missile sites,
then surely Black men can form human chains around Anacostia,
Harlem, South Africa, Wall Street, Hollywood,
each other.
If we have to take tomorrow with blood
are we ready?
Do our s curls and dreadlocks and phillies
make us any more ready than a bush or conkaline?
I’m not concerned
about the attire of a soldier.
All I want to know
for my own protection
is, are we capable
of whatever
whenever.

His words changed my life. Writing them today changed it yet again.

I was disheartened when I discovered the book I purchased: In the Life , was not the book I was supposed to purchase. But my sadness lasted only for a while. You see, because it was then that I discovered there were a multitude of black writers out there documenting our stories; capturing our history. Doing the very thing so many of us today are still so afraid of: being free.

It’s hard being a black man, and even harder being a black gay man. But being a black gay man who boldly writes about the shit so many wants us to keep locked away in the closet of our mind, is the toughest challenge of them all! It takes balls to write about the shit Langston Hughes, James Baldwin, E. Lynn Harris, James Earl Hardy, L.M. Ross, Michael-Christopher, Lee Hayes, Keith Boykin and a host of other gay black men write about! It takes courage to stand up to the world and say "This is who I am, and these are my stories!"

I read In The Life cover to cover. Then, I read Invisible Life, cover to cover. I read them, and I was proud. Proud to be a black man. Proud to be a gay man. But more so, proud that these black men took the time to teach me what its like to be black, male, and gay.

Support your LGBT authors, their blood, sweat and tears are for you…

Respect.